Ela vai voltar pelos Estados Unidos em algumas semanas, Gustavo has been explaining to friends lately. They laugh as they look over at me to see me doing my little “I’m going home” dance. It’s not just going home, it’s going back to the home I prefer, the one I’ve actively (finally) chosen, the one I’m lucky enough to belong to, to have been born into.
I have just two weeks left before leaving Brazil for another few months. As always, it’s bittersweet. In the past few weeks, there have been some things at home that I’ve wanted to be present for, but going back earlier would have complicated so many parts of our schedules, timelines, and budget. So I’m very ready to be back.
But I love my life with Gustavo. We have our routine and we have each other. The first few days when I’m back in the US, I always feel a little bit lost. While I have my family, and especially my dog (!), it’s as if I’m perpetually forgetting something. There’s always something missing.
Of course, we can get used to anything and, over time, things normalize. We find our rhythm on WhatsApp and Google Hangouts. We have our other hobbies and plans. We catch up with other friends. We make plans. In particular, this year we’re planning to spend Christmas in the US together, with my family, and I am very excited. Gustavo has never experienced an Italian-American Christmas, so I am more than ready to see his reaction to the sheer amount of food, not to mention all of the little traditions I never knew I’d miss this past year.
Since we’re looking forward to, hopefully, set up our lives in the US in the near-ish future, we’re planning to grab a storage unit to start bringing more of our things back State-side. We have one really huge, gigantic, enormous suitcase that fit almost all of my things on the way over to Brazil. Now, we get to fill it up with all of the things we’ve collected together and then leave it in a storage unit, like a little seed, ready to sprout once we’re able to move to the US together. (Fingers perpetually crossed until then.)
Even though I still have two weeks, I’m in a bit of a “nesting” phase for packing. I’m taking little bits and pieces and placing them aside for when they’re ready to go into the suitcases. I have a list of what I know I want to bring with me this time, especially all the things that I want to leave there in preparation for going home full-time.
It’s a very slow process and we can’t be sure of any timelines. Nevertheless, we’re setting ourselves up with our biggest hopes and dreams in mind. We’ve decided that we do not intend to build our future together in Brazil, so now it’s a matter of doing what we need to do to take those next steps forward. It’s so scary, but exciting too.
So today, I’ll start taking my little items, here and there, to fold, and wrap, and pack away for a long trip along the Atlantic Ocean once more. Hopefully, there’s just a few more left.